Today, I ran four miles on Sunset Dr., a route I found and loved a couple of weeks ago. With the exception of the very beginning hill, I found the first three miles - oh lord, can i say it?
e - a - s - y.
Let me try again.
It was e ea eas eas y.
Whew. OK. This is hard. Deep breath.
Those three miles were easy.
There. I said it.
And I can't believe it. I was very surprised at how little pain I was in during most of this run. My experience so far with this crazy running thing is that most of the time, the WHOLE RUN is tough - often excruciating. The difficulty here was only in the last mile. The other three were mainly OK. Downright good. Dare I say it again? Easy!
Amazing.
I wonder why I am so resistant to saying it was easy.
I think it is because I fear that people who are supporting me in this journey will not take the difficulty of this journey seriously if I say it is easy.
I think I don't want to feel alone when I am out there and it is hard, fearing that my supporters will think this is now easy for me and pull away, thinking it's no big deal.
I think my soul wonders...if it is too easy, is it worth doing?
This is silly thinking, of course. There is nothing easy about running 3-4 times a week, without fail, in the heat, toward a race of 13.1 miles. There is nothing easy about being committed to the activities outside of running that are necessary to fully train for this race. There is nothing easy about working toward a goal, knowing that the only way to get there is to keep pressing forward. There are no easy fixes here. Each mile must be run, one slow mile after the other.
What I find interesting is how my fear plays out. Because of fear, admitting the truth ("this was easy") becomes difficult. It makes me wonder where else in my life I am not admitting truth because I fear it to be too difficult. Quick examples come to mind. I fear admitting some truth about my failings as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter. I fear admitting discontent, selfishness, anger. Why? We all know none of us is perfect. So what is it we fear about admitting some truths? I'd truly love to hear your opinions on the matter, in the comments of this post or to my email.
Overcoming fear and admitting that three of my miles were actually easy is not going to radically change my life. But fear is a powerful emotion and motivator (or demotivator). It can be protective, debilitating, and/or destructive. I want to take the "little insight" gained today about admitting fear and ponder where it may be applied to areas of my life where fear has a deeper impact. Therein lies the hope for the truth setting my soul free.
~~~Thoughts~~~
In what small ways does fear hold you back from admitting truth? (What are your "easy three miles"?)
Can the answer to that be a catalyst to begin a journey to understand the bigger ways fear holds you back?
How can you be set free?
Until next time, may you love your life today.
