Remember when I complained that all my runs were hard? To refresh your memory, here's a quote from a couple of weeks ago:
"Lately, there has been very little success in the endurance. I've
struggled and huffed and walked and laid on grass and sat on rocks and
felt like passing out. And this scares me. If I don't start enjoying
these runs (well, let's be more reasonable and say that if they at
least don't stop being
hell!) there is no way I can continue. There are way too many runs (57
runs for 262 miles) between now and the half marathon for me to be hating and struggling with so many runs. I'm a little scared." (From "I'm Just Angry")
Since I wrote that, most of my runs have indeed been difficult. Not the hell that the above run was, but not as enjoyable as I would hope. Each has been quite challenging. Each has pushed me to the edge of what I think I can do. Each has made me question why I am doing this. The idea of a gentle jog down the road, taking in all of the scenery, and truly enjoying my life while out there just hasn't been happening.
Until last Sunday.
I mean, look at the road I ran on:
Until last Sunday.
I mean, look at the road I ran on:
Is that not just precious? This is a section of Sunset Drive, a road the rises above Asheville, giving the fortunates who can afford a home there access
to this view:
My husband and I mapped a 6.5 mile route. Four of those miles were along this beautiful road. Curve after curve, hill after hill, I found myself actually enjoying the run! It was so beautiful. It was a quiet and shady road that filled me with a sense of peace. I ran for four solid miles without hating it. That does not mean it was easy. My legs still got tired, my lungs still let me know they were there. But my mind was in such a peaceful state, that I was able to easily tolerate the complaints of my body. It was an amazing feeling.
Now, at about mile four something began to happen. I had not been feeling well for a couple of days, and during the run I had a distinct feeling of stomach distress. I thought I'd be ok until the end of the run, 2.5 more miles.
I thought.
You know that feeling when your body says, "Bathroom. Now. As in RIGHT NOW!"? That's what my body said.
I reluctantly stopped at a local bakery, sweat pouring off of me, and tried to sneak my way into the bathroom, lest the man behind the counter tell me the restroom was for customers only. Luckily for my guts no one else was in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I stopped.
Let's just leave it at that. :)
I did try to sneak out, but was caught by the eye contact of the man behind the counter. I smiled sweetly and said, "We're on a run, but we'll be back." He looked at me funny. Hmm. Maybe he didn't really care why I was there. But we did go back.
My poor husband ran an extra mile waiting for me but not wanting to stop his run. Do they give husband metals? When I resumed my run, I was not well. Stomach cramps, lightheadedness and nausea. Because of this, I only ran another mile of the remaining 2.5. I have learned how to run through various annoyances and pains, but I have not yet learned how to run through being sick. Nor do I know if I ever want to learn that "skill!"
What was most amazing to me about this run was how I felt about not finishing. I had set a goal. I was to run 6.5 miles. Since I started running in February there have only been two runs that I have not completed. I have not been kind to myself about those "failures."
But this day was different. I was kinder to myself. I told myself that I may not be finishing, but I had already run five miles. Five miles! Two months ago that would have been an impossibility. Today, not only did I do it, but it was relatively easy not hard, and I actually enjoyed it.
I ended the run feeling rather proud of myself. I was proud of my five miles. I was proud of my peacefulness. But mostly, I was proud of my kindness toward myself.
It was a beautiful run.
~~~Thoughts~~~
When you "fail" - actually fail or a failure that comes from being too hard on yourself - how do you treat yourself?
What does kindness toward yourself look like?
How often do you exercise that part of you?
And, most importantly, what keeps you from being kind to all parts of you?
Until next time, may you love your life today.
I thought.
You know that feeling when your body says, "Bathroom. Now. As in RIGHT NOW!"? That's what my body said.
I reluctantly stopped at a local bakery, sweat pouring off of me, and tried to sneak my way into the bathroom, lest the man behind the counter tell me the restroom was for customers only. Luckily for my guts no one else was in the bathroom.
I'm so glad I stopped.
Let's just leave it at that. :)
I did try to sneak out, but was caught by the eye contact of the man behind the counter. I smiled sweetly and said, "We're on a run, but we'll be back." He looked at me funny. Hmm. Maybe he didn't really care why I was there. But we did go back.
My poor husband ran an extra mile waiting for me but not wanting to stop his run. Do they give husband metals? When I resumed my run, I was not well. Stomach cramps, lightheadedness and nausea. Because of this, I only ran another mile of the remaining 2.5. I have learned how to run through various annoyances and pains, but I have not yet learned how to run through being sick. Nor do I know if I ever want to learn that "skill!"
What was most amazing to me about this run was how I felt about not finishing. I had set a goal. I was to run 6.5 miles. Since I started running in February there have only been two runs that I have not completed. I have not been kind to myself about those "failures."
But this day was different. I was kinder to myself. I told myself that I may not be finishing, but I had already run five miles. Five miles! Two months ago that would have been an impossibility. Today, not only did I do it, but it was relatively easy not hard, and I actually enjoyed it.
I ended the run feeling rather proud of myself. I was proud of my five miles. I was proud of my peacefulness. But mostly, I was proud of my kindness toward myself.
It was a beautiful run.
~~~Thoughts~~~
When you "fail" - actually fail or a failure that comes from being too hard on yourself - how do you treat yourself?
What does kindness toward yourself look like?
How often do you exercise that part of you?
And, most importantly, what keeps you from being kind to all parts of you?
Until next time, may you love your life today.
